Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
(Romans 12:15 – NASB95)
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.
(1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 – NASB95)
This morning I was notified of a church member who died. That makes 50 who have gone to be with the Lord in the past 3 ½ years. Every one of them were a precious gift to our church family and although they are rejoicing in the presence of Jesus, we are suffering tremendous loss… and their family members are experiencing it in profoundly greater ways. When this happens, several questions go through our minds as we want to comfort and help the family. What should I do? What should I say? How do I even pray at times like this?
I have come to appreciate a Canadian pastor and author named Tim Challies (www.challies.com). Less than 3 years ago, his 20-year-old son died suddenly and unexpectedly, and he kept a journal the following year of what he went and his family went through. He wrote a personal and powerful book, “Seasons of Sorrow,” sharing insights from that journal. His honesty about the ups and downs of that year has helped countless people draw near to the Lord while working through grief. It is a book that I highly recommend both for those experiencing grief and those helping others through the process. On his website, I found two articles (see below) that give suggestions on how to pray for those who are dying, as well as how to pray for ourselves when we have lost a loved one. I hope they help you, and they help you help others as they work through times of great loss.
How to Pray for Someone who is Dying
There are few things more sobering than praying for someone who is dying, and few things more humbling than praying with someone whose time on earth is drawing to a close. In his book Facing the Last Enemy, Guy Prentiss Waters offers wise counsel to those who have the responsibility and even the privilege of this task. Here is his simple guidance on praying for those who are dying.
First, we should pray that the person would have a sure and settled faith in Jesus Christ. About a month before he died, an ailing John Calvin told fellow ministers who were visiting him that “my faults have always displeased me and the root of the fear of the Lord has always been in my heart.” Calvin was well acquainted with his sins. For that reason, he took refuge in the Lord, trusting and fearing Him from the heart. We should pray that our dying friend or loved one would, by God’s grace, make the same kind of confession.
Second, we should pray that the person would submit himself to the will of God. If it is evident in God’s providence that his time on this earth is limited, then the best thing to do is to bow before God. We should also pray for ourselves that we would submit to this hard providence. We may pray this prayer for the dying person and for ourselves in confidence that God is working only for His glory and the good of His people in this world (Rom. 8:28). We trust God even when we do not fully understand what He is doing in our lives.
Third, we should pray that our dying loved one would have comfort of body and soul. We do not want him to linger in physical pain. It is not necessarily wrong to pray that the Lord would take a dying believer home to Him soon. We also do not want the person to experience distress of soul. We should pray that he would experience the “peace of God, which surpasses all understanding” and “guards” “hearts” and “minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 4:7).
Finally, we should pray that God would provide for the family and friends whom the dying person will leave behind. Pray that He would fulfill His promise to watch over the widow and the orphan (Deut. 10:18; Ps. 68:5). Pray that He would spiritually provide for the survivors as they grieve their loss, that their grief may be in the hope of the gospel.
A Prayer for the Bereaved
Father in heaven, I acknowledge that you are the one who bestows good gifts, and you are the one who recalls them again. It is by your hand that each of us is brought to life and by your hand that each of us is called into death. You are the one who gives, and you are the one who takes away. And so I bless your name.
Father, it has been your will to take away one that I love. And even while I acknowledge that you make no mistakes and you commit no wrongs, still it hurts so much. Still my mind is bewildered, still my heart is broken. But even as I weep, I pray that I would not grieve as one who has no hope, as one who has no faith, as one who has no confidence in you.
I pray that in my sorrow I will be quiet of spirit so that I can listen attentively to hear each of your precious words of consolation.
I pray that in my sorrow I will be reverent and honor you for doing no more than what is your sovereign prerogative, your divine right.
I pray that in my sorrow I will be confident, assured that there is as much of your love in the taking away of this blessing as there was in the giving of it.
I pray that in my sorrow I will be meek, continually bowing the knee to you in humble submission.
I pray that in my sorrow I will be grateful so that even as I lament the blessing that has been taken, I will be thankful for the countless blessings that have been given and that remain.
I pray that in my sorrow I will be holy and never fail to plead that, by your grace, you will sanctify this grief to me and use it to make me more like Christ.
I pray that in my sorrow I will be composed so I am ready to do whatever you call me to do and to bear whatever you call me to bear. Whatever mission is wrapped up in this bereavement, I pray that I would accept it and do it in your name and for your glory.
I pray that in my sorrow I will be trustful so I can look to the future with a sure and steady confidence, looking forward to the day when you dry each of these tears.
Father, I have received so many of your blessings with smiles of gratitude, and I release this one now with tears of sorrow. Let me offer just one prayer more: That in my sorrow I will be patient so I can bear with this grief for as long as you call me to and remain faithful to the very end—to the end when I will hear those wonderful words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
It’s in the name of Jesus Christ, my living, reigning, sympathizing friend that I pray. Amen.